Home Is Where The Sub Is

I was so lucky this week to have Lord Clay home every night with the exception of Monday.   A rare occurrence but lovely just the same.  And if that wasn't great by itself Lord Clay will be at home every night this coming week too.   His work is great but the separation is sometimes a little overwhelming.  Anyway a very pleasant week indeed. 



It has taken quite a lot to get use to him being gone so much. Trying to balance my career, three teenagers and a home that has to be taken care of on my own most of the week has been a challenge.  I do it though and I still manage to find my way to girls night and my 4 hour shopping day alone every week. 
 I noticed this week while my D has been home that my weekly life has very little to nothing to do with him whatsoever and it was rather a difficult challenge to squeeze him into my schedule this week.  I started thinking at that point that even though we are apart during the week we should probably still make and have alone time together.  


We talk and text on the phone all day every day and always the same stuff, what are you doing, what did you eat, etc.  That's not what I am talking about though, I am talking about alone, mommy daddy, sub Dom time.  What a sexy hot time we could actually be having and fortunately for us we have all
this great new technology to do it with.  A nice bubble bath, dinner, or a game via Skype or FaceTime.


 
 

Or my favorite, pulling out my beautiful glass beauties making that Skype call and D commanding me exactly what to do with those wonderful glass creations.  




I am not talking about just a nice web sex time but a serious D/s time to bring me back down off my high horse while D is away.  Now most unfortunately he can not tie me up or spank me but he can have the more intimate chance to be able to assert his Dominance.  And just like in the playroom it can be whatever he decides it to be.  I know for me that having that very intimate and personal communication during the week while my Love is away is most likely going to be a very valuable tool.  



I at times have a lot of trouble being the sub that I know I should be and especially towards the end of the week when I have been in charge for the entire week it starts to show even more.  I get bratty and forget that I am not the one in charge around here.  So I think this might be an excellent idea for us to try and see if I can't stay in line a little bit better.  I think this will also make  D Clay a more involved part of my week, that way the next time he is home for the week I will already have a time that is expected to be ours.  




Now I just have to wait for him to leave.......     ;-)






Sir I hope you know how much I miss you when you are away and if I had my way you would be home all the time.

  

Light and Love
~Arynn~

BLURRED LINES

I have a good friend who you will probably read about once in a while and we will call him Brother.  I have known Brother for 18 years or more.  He is a great friend of mine and Lord Clay’s.  Brother and I are like two peas in a pod.  A mirror image of one another.  We like all the same things and act the same way (scary!!!).  He knows me better than I know myself.  That is why he is my “Brother”.  Brother however has a very cynical point of view regarding love, relationships and marriage which is rather ironic considering he is one of the most loving people in this world.  A few weeks ago we were all out to dinner at one of favorite local bar and grills.  I, like always played music on the juke box.  This sub loves her dirty songs, so of course I played “Blurred Lines”. 
Instead of dancing and attracting attention to myself like I would normally do, I sat back down at the table with Lord Clay and Brother. 
 We laughed and talked and when the song was over Brother said, “Women are very good at those blurred lines aren’t they.”  I of course went into debate mode defending my ability to be very straight forward and precise about what I want, how I want it and when I want it.  I defended myself and fellow women with great valor. Brother told me that I was probably the worlds worst about Blurred Lines because I have this need and desire to make everyone happy all the time.   I will admit however that while Brother was wrong in his statement about us ladies as a whole he was also very unfortunately correct when it came to his Sister.

 My wonderful Lord Clay and I started our D/s relationship with a full time as in… 24/7….relationship.  We drew up a full contract.  It listed all the rules, the things that each of us were or were not willing to try, the safe word and all the limits.  It was so specific that it listed each different sexual activity separately from mff sex, to mutual masturbation.  It even listed what types of spankings positions and implements were or were not acceptable.   We set our first trial period for a one week period of time.  It worked great so we amended the contract where needed and set it for another two week trial period.  That two weeks went great so we again sat down at the table and renegotiated this contract.  This went on from October until February.  For Valentine’s Day Master Clay took his loving sub out to one of the best restaurants in town.  A place where you spend 3 or 4 hours eating and that is your entertainment.  Like I told you in my last post Sir Clay spoils me rotten!!!  He asked me that night if I would sign that contract for an entire year and grant him some additional power over me, primarily control over my exercise, health and eating habits. 
 I knew exactly where this was going to go and as much as I did not like what those extra things meant however I agreed and that night we drew up the new version of the contract giving Clay the additional powers he had requested and we both signed it and I rolled it up, tied it with a red ribbon and tucked it into our “toy chest”.  Now, I already admitted that I knew exactly where this was headed and that I didn’t like it.  My non-smoking Lord, Master and Dom was headed for my one, (well one of my crutches) and I knew it.  Admittedly I also knew that my over consumption of Diet soda and poor exercising and eating habits were on the chopping block as well.  I sucked it up and took it in and it began.  The first thing to change were the eating habits.  I was to write down what I ate and when, making sure to get in 3 meals and 2 snacks every day.  Then came the exercise, with either yoga, walking, swimming, or tai chi 5 days a week, and write it down.  Then what I was dreading most came up on the chopping block, Diet soda.  Then the plan was laid forth, stop smoking.  Lord Clay made a wonderful plan for me to cut back over the course of a month and be completely off them by the end of the month.  It was very evident to me after a week of trying to cut back that it was not going to work like that.  So I of my own free will (so to speak) went and bought and e-cig one afternoon.  That night I smoked my last cigarette.  Now I will acknowledge that this was all a very good change for me to make and Lord Clay probably added years to my life by doing it.  It was still hard to let someone exercise that amount of control over me.  (Thank God for E-cigs!)  Even though it was a blessing in disguise it was a super hard transition for me.  I had also started a new job and I felt no control over who I was as an individual anymore.   I began to resent having agreed to this and I could see myself start to pull away.  I knew I had not wanted to go there when I agreed to it, I had even put in the rules of all the previous contracts that Sir could not make any rules regarding my smoking.  Nonetheless, I let it happen thereby creating Blurred Line number 1. 

By the time April came around I was off the soda and smokes.  I was happy and getting healthy.  And for absolutely NO good reason what so ever I was so angry with myself for losing sight of myself as a self-sufficient  person.  I was angry at Lord Clay, who really did nothing but what I had told him I wanted.   One night I called for Parle, which was a clause written into our contract so that if one or the other of us needed to come back to the table to discuss the contract and D/s situation that we had that right.  It was not exactly a discussion as I had told my Dom actually it was more me telling him that I loved the D/s relationship but this didn’t work and I was done.  And ripped up the contract creating Blurred Line Number 2. 

Between April and September we tried off and on to find a way to have our D/s relationship without the contract because I have very adamantly stated that I do not want to have it even though I recognize the fun and excitement it was to renegotiate the contract every week and to talk about all the dirty nasty things that we put in the contract to “protect” ourselves.  This makes Blurred line number 3. 
Lord Clay and I played the D/s roles off and on and had some great rough sex in my office, in his office, all over the new house but it became hard for him to know when and where it was okay to Dom me because one minute it would be me telling him to Dom me, be aggressive and the next it was “you are NOT my Dom anymore.” Thus the creation of Blurred Line number 4. 

In September my Lord Clay went away for a convention he had asked me to figure out whether or not I truly wanted a D/s relationship while he was gone and before he even left I told him that I did want it in a sexual manner.  But not on an everyday, all the time basis.  He said that when he came back that we would start that up.  I was very excited for him to return home after a long trip and I was excited to start up the naughty relationship I craved.  And then he told me to do something.  Oops.  Blurred Line number 5 was born because as much as I wanted to have him Dom me sexually he saw the buildup parts to sex and I just looked at it from the time we shut that play room door.  So while Lord Clay was trying to build up the sexual fun with the D/s roles and build it up with fun play before it was actually time to shut that door I was seeing him trying to take over outside those doors once more. 

  I in all fairness never even gave my beloved a fighting chance when I was not clear and upfront with him.  Leaving him to guess at every turn.  Eventually that kind of frustration weighed very heavy on him too.  The tension became so heavy you could cut it with a knife.  And all that tension led to arguing about what was going on exactly.  So I had to step back, sit down and put a lot of care and thought into what I wanted.  Into what I Clearly wanted. 

In working this all out in my head I decided that the most fun Lord Clay and I both have had with the D/s relationship was when our contract was in place and we were sitting around and talking about it once a week.  Doesn’t that really make the most sense anyway.  It opened up a time once a week where we had to sit down with one another and discuss our sex life and our thoughts and wants and needs and desires and fantasies.  I don’t know about anyone else but that is very very arousing to me, it is almost as much fun as being talked to dirty.   I feel very comfortable after weeks of Blurred Lines numbers 6 through 1000 to say that what I want is the one week at a time contract.  Not because I need to be protected from Lord Clay but because I want that time we spent paying attention to one another back. The excitement of going back to the start and making new rules and maybe being comfortable enough to change some of the hard/soft limits.  The intimate discussions about different sex positions and spanking implements.  Talking about touching one another in various ways.  How deliciously naughty!!!  How wonderfully arousing!!!  

In order to fix this mess of misunderstanding that I had created I  sat down and sent to my wonderful Dom and protector a letter detailing with clarity exactly what I wanted, expected and hoped for.  Thereby killing Blurred Lines!  I won't give you all the lovely details of my letter.  I will leave that for Maser Clay when he does a guest blog.  I have to leave him a little fun.     

I am very ashamed that Brother was not necessarily right but that he recognized the Blurred Lines that I put out there.  Lines I could not even see myself.  Women, my dear Brother, however are not the only ones to put them out there.  Gentlemen be upfront with your lines too.  Aren’t Blurred Lines the “little sister” to lies.  If we are only saying what we think others want to hear for the sake of making them happy and it is not what we honestly want in our own minds and hearts then it serves no helpful purpose to anyone and in the end it tears things down. So even though Lord Clay did some very great things for me with all the best of intentions I should have been very clear and the lesson learned is be true and honest to yourself and your feelings and always make your wishes known clearly so there are no Blurred Lines.

Lord Clay, My Lovely, this is no Blurred Line,  I love you with all my heart and even though I am not always submissive in a manner that I should be you are my cherished Lord, Master, Dom and Husband.  Spank away Sir.
 

Light and Love to everyone!!!

~Arynn~



Putting It All Out There

Instead of making my first blog about spankings, restraints, glass toys, cock worshipping or erotic photography all the things I love I decided to make my first post a “coming out”.  Who I am.  And then we get just plain naughty from there!  ;-)

 A few days ago while on Facebook, looking over my profile that I created years ago I read my "about me" and it read..........

 "I want to live my life to the fullest and when I am old I want to be able to look back and not have any regrets or what ifs'."

 So after months of putting off starting my blog and second guessing myself I, lady Arynn, am making my first post and I am very proud of myself!  The purpose of my blog is to tell my story and listen to those of you out there who have input and comments that could be an inspiration to me.  

 I am a married submissive and if that were all there is to it it would probably be very easy however, I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend.  I have a career, I am a writer, and take care of my home and manage the goings on here.  We have four kids, 3 teenagers and a 21 year old that we love and cherish.  That are starting to leave home. 

 My husband, Lord and Dom and I got married when we were only 19 years old and 20 years later we are still together.  It has most definitely not been without its ups and downs. We have spent more years living together than we did with our parents.  We had our oldest daughter before we married so we have always had a child and have never known life, just the two of us.  We have supported one another in pursuit of our careers, raising our children, through very painful loss of grandpas, and so much more.  A few years ago in order to pull our marriage out of as rut we decided to explore new and fun things to do in the bedroom and found that a D/s lifestyle was very attractive.  Especially for me.  My Lord Clay was rather hesitant at first.  Let me get this out of the way now, there are two things about Clay that you will see echo throughout my posts time and time again and they are.......

1.  Clay never does anything without thoroughly researching it and reading about it first!  No matter what it is.  He is full of "useless information" LOL.

2. Clay dotes on me.  So if there is something I want he will do whatever he can to make that happen and if he can't he finds something he can do to take its place.  He truly has me spoiled.

(There I admitted it My Lord)

 That having been said, after his research and our long discussions and me assuring him that he would not hurt me, we embarked on our journey.  It has changed many things in our relationship in many different ways. Not only in the bedroom with the restraints, spankings and new toys but the way we communicate with one another now.  Everything happens on a much higher level.  I am his Lady in the street and his freak in the bed. To meet me on the street you would never guess.  I have also come to a place in my life now where I can say that I am bi-sexual which I will address in a post all its own.  And I am starting to want to push our boundaries, an idea which is not very well received currently.  Our D/s relationship has its obstacles and one of the biggest is overcoming is the amount of travel that goes along with Clay's career.  It usually takes him away 4 nights a week.  So going from being "single" career mom who has to be independent and strong and commanding to 4 teenagers to being submissive and surrendering everything is a very complicated thing for me to do.  
                                                                         
My biggest problem has been having someone to talk to about TTWD.  Except for two friends and Clay it remains silent.  My family and the majority of my friends would not understand why I get off on being tied up and spanked or why I love to be forced to suck Master Clay's cock, let alone approve of it.  I have read and followed many great blogs and learned a lot.  I hope that my journey with blogging gains me new people to talk to, new ideas to try and some really great advice. 

In my opinion living a D/s relationship requires more work, and communication than just being married.  It definitely means that you have to stop and think about the other person and their feelings more often.  It also refocuses your attention from yourself and what you want and onto your D or your s and what they need to be pleased.  And fills you with a delicious naughty intoxication for passion on all sorts of different levels.  Before D/s came into our marriage Clay and I were both very selfish people just trying to get through life without much thought or regard for the other person.  In my reading, I read something that I fell in love with and it is......

"Dominants are not great because

of their technique but

because of their
passion, honor, and integrity.

Submissive's are not great because 

of their obedience but

because of their

love, trust, and devotion."

 Posted by For Love of a Submissive at...

 http://fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com/post/54434504335/why-dominance-and-submission

 

 I hope that everyone will enjoy my posts. 

 Clay, I hope that you find everything that I write here to be upholding and reverent to you, my keeper, in every way.  When I drop to my knees in submission before you it is not because you command me to but because it is a burning desire in my heart to exalt you above all others.  It is due to the complete trust and faith I have in you and knowing that you will always do the right thing for me and us and that you will always protect and cherish me as your sub, your wife, and your Lady.

 Light and Love to everyone!!!     

 ~Arynn~